I dare you. Look into people’s eyes, not their social media pages.

(quite ironically I am posting this on social media for it would be too hard for me to say in person)

On the last day of Mental Health Awareness week I am writing what I feel is the most vulnerable post yet. A little grace required.

Over the past month or so I have received so many compliments: that I delivered a presentation well, that I wrote something good, that I have a nice smile. Others congratulated me on my courage to do what they deemed to be hard things, told me they respected me for it. I am grateful. And under no circumstances would I want this to be confused with platitudes like “life is good” or “think positively and all dreams will come true” or “what you see is what you get”.

One of the most dangerous traps that we all fall into (but that is poison to people suffering from mental illnesses) is comparing our insides with other people’s outsides. Especially to the snippets we see of other people on social media. We look at that, we think that is actually them and the thought spiral of death ensues.

Let me come clean about myself:

My smile, my writing, my successes, they are all real and they are all me. And so are my minute to minute decisions to give up and then take one more step. Hardly making that step. My love story, my parenting journey, my travels, they are all real and they are all me. And so are my constant thoughts of shame that I do not feel better inside, the peaks of anxiety and the scary depths of depression. Higher or lower, they have been with me forever. Things I thought I made peace with still bite my heart more often than I can describe. Though some wounds have healed, in areas of my heart I am still raw and hurting. I cut corners more often than I wish I did or than I should and I still struggle with the idea of self-compassion. Daily.

That saying, “don’t judge people, everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” I don’t know anything that is truer. Except maybe the fact that you cannot hate people when you get up close to them. And the interesting and heartbreaking thing at the same time is that we don’t keep these things a secret from each other. Truth, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. We see what we want or are prepared to see. But the truth is always there. In the eyes of the human in front of us. Dare to look.