It got me thinking about the gift of mentors that life puts in our path – if only we are humble enough to listen and let ourselves be moulded, and also about our own ability of mentoring – if only we are gracious enough to share of ourselves. My mind went back to the many who have pitched in, on my path, I have so much gratitude for each and every one of them.
I promised myself his death will not be in vain. I promised myself I will not follow the path that so many people follow, that of a shame that has no place amidst a tragedy and and a disease. So, here goes the story …
Unlike drug dealers that look nasty and like criminals most times, the enablers of workaholism look like supportive co-workers, slapping us on the back and congratulating us for a job well done – ready to throw it on our to do list forever even if we were only trying to help once, colleagues and bosses who just take your energy and use it without stopping to actually look into your eyes and see your struggle, risen eyebrows that, when you finally decide to say “I can’t do this anymore!”, throw you into the desperation of having to live with the idea that you have disappointed everyone by saying no.
Sometimes I write these posts to share ideas I would like others to ponder as well. Other times … things just come out of me. Like this morning. Apologies to my few but loyal readers. Sometimes it is easier to share here … than to actually find words that have to pass from my brain to my voice.
You would think that realising all of this about myself means I am doing ok. The truth is, many times I feel stuck at 50% – you know, the length of the road you have already walked when you admit you have a problem. Addiction is a constant, lifelong struggle. And it takes real strength to be able to carry it on.
When I was told for the first time that this is a marathon and not a sprint, I was happy. I thought it meant this is an effort you can pace for yourself where you can grab water in the in-betweens, breathe, actually sometimes even enjoy the scenery or the run. The reality is … this is a marathon of sprints.