Towards the beginning of my almost five decades on this planet I managed to be better company: funny, cheerful and nice. Or so I thought. And one day, in my twenties (the roaring 20’s), I created and believed the narrative that displaying a positive attitude, joy and gusto is dangerous. That it creates expectations in others that are unsustainable. “You were fine yesterday! Why the face?” “You are the [add word here] one, why are you different today?” “Oh, you are having a hard time? But you were fine last week!“
I am once again surprised at how intolerant we are when it comes to ourselves and other humans. We meet someone who is cheerful, helpful and nice one day and we place that person in that box. This person is nice. We take it personally, as an affront, if the next day we go in and they are frowning. We meet another one who is grumpy, grunts rather than talks and barely looks at us. And we throw them in the “I don’t want to have anything to do with this person” box. It truly does not matter that they are offering us cake the next day. They are assholes.
What sort of world would we live in if we believed, truly believed, that we are all inherently good. That there are circumstances and environments that shape us and make us react in different ways but we are still all good inside. And most of all, that there is impermanence in everything we do: today we laugh and we are on top of the world, we feel amazing and love everyone and tomorrow the sun isn’t shining and a phone call got to us and we are at a breaking point. But we are still good inside. And we are still … us.
The photo on the cover of this post is taken on the day I got my bike in Denmark. I was so very happy. Anyone can see it. I did not however take a photo on the first day I rode the bike, when I almost fell twice on the way to work and actually fell once on the way back home. My face was definitely different gathering my things off the ground and looking after my bruized reputation in the bushes of Nordhavn. Does any of this make either one of these moments less genuine? Does it say anything about the way I am now or “should be” in the future? Are these moments anything else than experiences we file in our minds, hearts and bodies and carry with us while building the rest of our lives? ?
I am convinced that I will finally find deeper peace when I am able to accept (about myself as well as others) that all experiences that we live have a place in the tapestry that makes us who are. I am putting an intention in the universe that I get closer to integration with every day I live. That I can understand about me and others that one emotion, one action, one reaction do not define me. That we are all whole and good inside, regardless of the mood displayed.
Connect 