Two letters from love I received this past week, in response to this question.
Dear one,
Living alongside other humans is hard. Each and everyone carries so much baggage, so many wounds. Combine that with our default, perpetual instinct to defend ourselves and survive and you understand why the first ones to show up are our beloved friends (misunderstood, often still friends): aggression and defensiveness.
I would say that the way things show up in the others has nothing to do with you, that you should not take it personally but I get how it impacts you. You also carry baggage and wounds. We, humans seldom carry balms for healing ourselves and each other. We almost always turn up, prickly and charged, but can you remember that you are love and loved and use that as self healing balm? As much as I would love to be able to tell you otherwise there are wounds we can never heal in others, because they can only heal from within.
I love you, be kind to yourself and others breathe through your prickly phase and try to survive and love.
Love
***
Dear one,
Having difficult conversations with other people is never easy. For you or for them. Always remember and honor the fact that everyone is fighting a hard battle. That does not mean you have to let yourself be trampled upon, it does not mean you should just swallow whatever you are dealt or forget your values or your beliefs in order to please or appease others.
The strong anxiety you feel before and during these conversations is your signpost that tells you that the way other people see you and the effect your words and actions have on them are important to you. That is worth noticing.
Let yourself be guided by me when you speak. Start the conversation only after you have grounded yourself, breathe, go very slowly, be curious and ask questions rather than state facts. It is often very easy to get caught up in various narratives and blasts from the past that plague your brain. It is then more important than ever that you stay in the present, that you bring me, love, into the conversation and listen more than speak (two ears and one mouth, remember?).
Love
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