I have received more invitations to change in the past eight years than in all my previous thirty four. It’s like the Universe is out to teach me that the only certainty we have (besides the obvious one), is change.
I was talking about this yesterday and saying how, at this point in my life, change scares me. Looking back at how much tumult it brings, how much uncertainty, chaos and pain, how much I have to work with myself each time to remain on some sort of track (one I need to discover while looking to maintain), makes me all of a sudden quite change averse.
Over the past months, I have almost physically felt the pull of change, in many directions and my resistance to it and I realise that I am at a precipice. All of the signs around me shout at this point – Let Go! And the voice of fear inside of me whispers – But what if it all goes to the dumps? What if you can’t do it all over again? You love your life, why would you change anything? Not again!!!
So, in my conversation yesterday, I got an interesting question. Does change always have to be this tumultuous? It’s clear that it will always bring discomfort, but does it have to mean rupture, pain, anguish? Could you ever navigate change in a mindful, matter of fact, “it is what it is” sort of way? This, to me, sounded like freedom and felt completely unattainable. I am of the mold of strong, all consuming emotions.
The thing is, I am getting to a point where I feel I break this mold or it will consume me.
So, this morning, I am putting forth an intention of change, in quite a different way than I have done it before: instead of setting the goal for myself to completely change how I engage with people, changing my job, cutting ties in relationships I feel are draining rather than fulfilling, I am going to set a much smaller but oh so important and life changing action – implementing the pause.
I am committing to slowing my pace and taking a pause in all my interactions – especially in the intense ones. This pause will allow me time for a breath and you would be surprised just how much of a different perspective new oxygen to your brain can bring. I will hopefully be able to sooner remember that I, and nobody else, am my actual keeper and thus the only one responsible for the way that I choose to take in (or not) whatever comes my way.