Lighthouse

I have writer’s block. I have had it for the past couple of weeks and I feel it is respectful for me and for anyone reading not to just string bs on a page just so I fulfill a trend of writing I am trying to establish. These times are hard for me as the creativity flow is one I love to ride. When the well dries up – provided I know it is temporary – I always worry it will never gather meaning again.

I am on the precipice of my two weeks of disconnection during summer and I have learned that this is a sensitive time for my brain. Saying this while trying not to set up a self fulfilling prophecy. A fine line …

Last summer, amidst our wonderfully peaceful vacation, I was in anxiety so strong and depression so deep that I remember myself getting to the point where I wasn’t sure it was going to ever go away and I was forgetting what being myself felt like. That is when it’s the toughest … I watched Glennon’s morning meeting a bit earlier and it resonated so much so much with me. She describes it all so well (as she usually does). She points out that the scariest thing about depression is that it comes with a forgetting of who we are and what and why we love. And just when that is done with us for a while, anxiety tricks us into believing that if we are vigilant all the time we will be in control. What a trap!

I am writing this post as a lighthouse. If I do fall deep in the weeks to come, I will come back here and remember that I have been there before and come out fine on the other end, that these are symptoms of an illness and there is ebb and flow, that none if permanent, thank God!. I will write it here so that I can see it written when I can’t remember it for myself that I am so happy with my life, that I love my family and myself and I am grateful for every single drop of life in me. I have incredible friends, amazing health and I learn something every day.

So much writing for a moment of writer’s block, right? 🙂 I guess all it took was a first step and then the rest just flowed …

Photo by Christina Deravedisian on Unsplash

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