I spent the better part of my week working with authorities to obtain the needed documents so our school can open. It was a true trial in patience, something we will call diplomacy (I guess professional prostitution is a bit too harsh) and persistence. I felt exhilarated holding the approval yesterday, jumping up and down like a kid, feeling like I won the marathon, even though we have done a great job preparing our school and I am sure we are top notch. It should have been a walk in the park, we did everything by the book. Instead, it was an exhausting long haul, that had me humiliated and in a frenzy most of the time.
Since the beginning of this pandemic, keeping our son safe has been hard. Because we seem to be in the minority who want to be doing the right thing. And it is hard to explain to a teenager that no, he can’t just go gallivanting through malls amidst people who may get all of us sick. But … everyone is there mooom!! Yeah, no, you can’t go. And there goes your prize for parent of the year. Or of the month. Or of the day … In short, you stink (again, trying to use really nice language here …)
I try to be really supportive and kind in my workplace and outside. This is what I feel is the right thing to do in relation with any humans. And more often than not, I get stepped on, told off, taken for granted or taken for a fool. And this story has been going on for years and I know I have not seen the end of it.
This message is not a victimising one. This message comes with genuine questions I ask myself every day. How do I live with all of the above and continue to stand true to my values and my desire to do the right thing? How do I not become cynical, unkind and how do I not start cutting corners? Are doing the right thing and enjoying life mutually exclusive?
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You have now gotten me to the point of observing my brain rhat has gotten in the habit of looking for the Saturday morning piece of Catalina Gardescu. If i may pitch in, here’s some reactions I observed myself having while reading your thoughts:1) doing things by the book is always MY book, which align (add or subtract) to the regulations instructed to me by the authorities. Yiu and i are apparently two citizens understanding that my safety depends also on how safe the others are, hence your frustration when you see folks not playing it safe and not understanding that this makes them AND everyone else unsafe. 2) about this last thing – I found myself strongly thinking recently that while we absolutely align with rules that are for the safety of all, I also need to do all I can not to make my energy vibrate in a state of alert, and worry about what others are doing. I anyway will never make them do what I think they should do, but I may hope they will, if more folks like me model and project to them what we should do. We need A LOT of calm and normal life despite how unnormal these times around us are. Even more so, we need to protect our energy otherwise we will get sick just because we are busy worrying and being upset about what other folks aren’t doing. 3) you don’t want to hear this, I know – I think we could time to time take some calculated risks. Dunno… have a meal with my family + friends…possibly in an open space, etc. Love you sis. 🥰🥰🥰
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