Yesterday my partner and I celebrated nine years of walking alongside this path of life together. A good opportunity to stop and look back. As ever, I am so very amazed at how different we were, what we thought was final and the plans we made. Humans are such a funny species, they just don’t get it … just live. The rest … no spoilers.
It is clear to me that being born in the same time, space and species with your soulmate is a matter of luck. The both of us are still in awe that this has happened to us. But from that single occurance onwards, luck has nothing to do with it: it becomes a matter of choice, hard work, acceptable compromise and, ultimately, great growth.
Walking the path of life alongside by beautiful partner, I learned lessons that are still some of the most powerful pieces of learning.
“The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.”
Rumi
There is a small voice inside that always, always knows. When we get silent, cut out the noise of other people’s standards, expectations and demands, this voice becomes loud and clear and leads you to unimaginable rainbows.
The fact that you find your soulmate does not bring only unicorns and rainbows. Sometimes it brings struggle and tears. For me, it has been one of the most important and valuable growth experiment: it has taught me to listen with positive regard, to participate in a conflict truly wanting progress and a good resolution, to compromise but never ignore my values or inner compass.
Take control out of love – stop shaping things, allow and be. When you are able to do that with your partner, you will see the beauty in it and that there is in fact no danger (talking about the false stories in our heads) in loving everyone that way.
When we got together we were blown away by the power of our connection at every level and heartbroken by the certainty we both felt at times that the barriers we were facing will break us. We anticipated hardships we won’t be able to overcome, a world coming crashing down on us and that a better life is one apart because of what everyone thinks and wants. Nine years of courage later, we barely remember this moment or the life before. Our beautiful family has been through tough and amazing moments and we would not change one thing. Sometimes it is good to stop planning and just be. We don’t know anyway …
A friend was telling me the other day that the pandemic has been such a trial of relationships, a real deal maker or a deal breaker. It is one of our most amazing stories how much we enjoy being together nine years down the road and we shudder at the thought of the pandemic happening in our lives before … us.
I am writing this all using the pronoun “we” because without asking I know she thinks the same. Everyone should be so lucky. I write these words with trembling hands because I get very, very anxious sharing joy. I am much better at sharing grief. And I do get that this post is so much about me and not so much about others but if anyone gets anything out of it I hope it is that the small voice inside always knows and that listening to the knowing will take you to places you never even dreamt existed (and I am not just referring to relationships here). Be Still and Know.
Photo by Paz Arando on Unsplash
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