from the shadows

When I am exhausted everything looks bleak and threatening. There is no light at the end of the tunnel and even to breathe seems like an effort too strong. I am there and all flags are up: disturbed sleep, the ease of not engaging, constant bitchiness, ongoing craving for carbs, lack of of interest for the things I love. Over the past couple of weeks, my very powerful brain listened obediently “you can’t go nuts, I have work to do”. Today is my first day of February break so … it’s on the edge of its seat “can I go nuts? can I go nuts?” If only I would not be so afraid that if I simply take the load off and lie down I might never get back up … I might actually give myself a break.

Sometimes I write these posts to share ideas I would like others to ponder as well. Other times … things just come out of me. Like this morning. Apologies to my few but loyal readers. And thanks for being there. Sometimes it is easier to share here … than to actually find words that have to pass from my brain to my voice.

I looked inside thinking about what would help this morning, what would help me get up, get dressed and give my dogs a chance to breathe the cold fresh air (that’s not what they do out there but it sounds loftier). The first thing that came to mind was The Manifesto of the Brave and the Brokenhearted. Rising Strong. As if to remind me that I have I have fallen and risen before. And that I have risen stronger.

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