Ask For What You Want

I have been a fan of Sex and the City from the moment I laid eyes on episode 1. The honest conversations within friendships, the amazing backdrop of New York City, fashion and jokes … for those few tens of minutes, I was transported out of grey Bucharest and into glitzy NYC. I worried about the series bringing everything back on screen amidst a completely different age and reality … . And Just Like That I was mesmerised again by even more honest conversations, over fifty year old faces with no or little makeup, honesty about big(!) topics. I love that we are invited to embrace new realities of gender identity and sex orientation, old(er) age issues, death and grief, the dance around issues of diversity, inclusion, equity and justice. Some would say it is all too in your face to be palatable but what I love about the way all of these are depicted, is the fact that they are not hiding the struggle of the protagonists, now in their fifties, to get used and live with these new realities. Even being a member of the LGBTQ+ community I struggle many times to understand, be respectful and non-judgmental.

My favourite interaction in the last episode I watched was Che Diaz and Miranda figuring out their attraction and relationship and what stuck with me was Che looking Miranda in the eye and provoking her: Ask for what you want!

Asking for what I want! Not what I need, not what I think I deserve, what I want! Phrase of a lifetime … Vulnerability at its core … Scary and needed as hell … .

Asking for what I want, whether it is from my work teams, life partner, my original family, my friends or my son is so very hard. I would even say that the pain I derive from implying wants and having the others not get what I actually mean is easier to bear. Not fair on any of parties involved, but much, much easier to swallow.

There is anxiety inducing vulnerability in putting myself out there, revealing authentic and deep wants that sometimes I have a hard time voicing even to myself. There is so much stigma around bluntly expressing our desires and wants, ranging from can you handle dinner / shopping / laundry to asking out loud for what will bring pleasure in our intimate moments. Asking for what I want says things about me that I am not comfortable revealing to more than my intimate family, a number of individuals I can count on the fingers of one hand.

Asking for what I want not only opens a door into my very soul, trusting the other with a peak. It means exposing this wide open part of myself to answers that could be judgmental and hurtful. Asking for what I want means that, above anything else, I consider myself important enough to put that out into the universe. And, more-so, it means that, even when the answer is no, I continue to be unmoved in the validity of my wants and in my right to express them plainly and honestly.

Talk about courage …

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