Voices – a belated Children’s Day message

I was reminded these days that, on my new path forward, it is myself that I must watch out for, above any other. My inner voices continue to be my Achilles’ heel and set me back when I least expect it. When at any crossroads in my life, I have no trouble facing society, family, work colleagues or clients with truth and authenticity. Debating with the sabotaging voices in my head, is an entirely different story.

Who are you to think you deserve to put yourself first?

Make sure you consider the worst case scenario first. Always.

Don’t be too dramatic. Are you really sick? Or is it just in your head? If you are sick you are weak, you miss out, you will be passed by. You must be really, really ill to take a sick day and the moment you can stand up, you work.

Don’t get “too big for your blanket”. Aka “don’t aim too high.”

Crying always follows laughter. Contain your excitement.

(an abridged list …)

It is so remarkable (and not in a good way) how two decades of therapy and coaching with various talented and dedicated professionals and a huge commitment on my part to get better have not managed to silence these voices. In some moments, the seem unaltered. It makes me tremble when I wonder what the voices in my son’s head say now or will say later. I know I put them there and I know I never meant any harm, and still, I realize I may have harmed him.

Children’s day has just passed and social media beamed with many statements, events, photos, about parenting, the world our kids will inhabit, how we can entertain our kids as if this one day could make up for the other 364 where we just run like mad dogs and barely talk to them. Today it seems to me that there is one thing we could do to really make a difference as parents. And it’s pretty simple and complex at the same time – just like most true things happen to be: pay attention to the words we tell out children – they will become the voices tearing them down or building them up when life … happens.

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