My wish for myself in the new year is to continue to discover my swan voice. To being firmly, over and over again, as many times as it takes. Because this is not an easy feat and growing up is a lifetime affair.
Category: Clarity
Not everything that shines (or that shines at some point) is gold
And sometimes it strikes me that words that were spoken around “the way we do things”, promises made in the relationship were just that, words. The signpost is always the way these encounters make me feel.
Here’s an interesting thought! What if I am ok the way that I am? Now that’s intriguing!
Based on the reactions of people around me, mostly men, I have always believed I am too much. I have always gone inside myself to criticize reactions I have, be them crying or laughing too hard, hugging someone I just met, telling something like it is, speaking too much or giving someone the look, the cold shoulder or the finger.
Giving it “our all” is not dedication, it is insanity.
I still hear the knock of the “superwoman” complex trying to call the shots when I have a hard time shutting my computer at the actual end of the work day, switching into a different mode at home, resting, doing nothing, speaking up about what I want (or don’t). It is an almost palpable effort to go against that current.
On love
Close to my fifth decade of life it makes me smile (ok, and sometimes cry) when I hear people say things like “you’ve changed so much, you’re no longer the person I used to know.” or “we will never change, we will always feel this way about each other.” or “I wish we could go back to the way things were.”
In the eye of the storm you hold on to what you can. You don’t make decisions or create strategies.
The lesson storms keep teaching me and the one I continuously forget is that the only thing I need to (and can) do in eye of the storm is to hold on. Breathe, connect to reality in any way that I can (as tornados uproot everything I thought was firmly grounded in my existence) and I wait it out. If I can, I remember impermanence: this too shall pass.
Connect 