There is nothing simple about being on the sidelines. When we see our loved ones struggling, there is a breaking in ourselves as well, but there is no true love without respect, without the trust that the person we cannot live without is able to navigate whatever the moment brings.
My wish for myself in the new year is to continue to discover my swan voice. To being firmly, over and over again, as many times as it takes. Because this is not an easy feat and growing up is a lifetime affair.
And sometimes it strikes me that words that were spoken around “the way we do things”, promises made in the relationship were just that, words. The signpost is always the way these encounters make me feel.
Based on the reactions of people around me, mostly men, I have always believed I am too much. I have always gone inside myself to criticize reactions I have, be them crying or laughing too hard, hugging someone I just met, telling something like it is, speaking too much or giving someone the look, the cold shoulder or the finger.
I still hear the knock of the “superwoman” complex trying to call the shots when I have a hard time shutting my computer at the actual end of the work day, switching into a different mode at home, resting, doing nothing, speaking up about what I want (or don’t). It is an almost palpable effort to go against that current.
Close to my fifth decade of life it makes me smile (ok, and sometimes cry) when I hear people say things like “you’ve changed so much, you’re no longer the person I used to know.” or “we will never change, we will always feel this way about each other.” or “I wish we could go back to the way things were.”
Partnering with students, families and schools towards effective cultural transition
Perspectives on International Education, Personal Memoirs and Reflections, and Essays
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