As soon as I remember that my fear is not a directive, just data, that it is a prerequisite to courage, I am prepared to take the leap – the only way to life affirming change.
The only point to life is love and growth. And what a privilege to be able to pursue these! I entered the partnership of marriage
Someone attacks me and because they are loud and play the victim, the advice for me is to just shut up, take it and turn the other way. Because I know better, because we don’t want to fight, because … because … because … . And my body cannot be fulled and for the past week she has been yelling, hell no!
My drug of choice, work, is one that brings me praise and pats on the back that I am unable to give to myself in any meaningful way.
Asking for what I want, whether it is from my work teams, life partner, my original family, my friends or my son is so very hard. I would even say that the pain I derive from implying wants and having the others not get what I actually mean is easier to bear. Not fair on any of parties involved, but much, much easier to swallow.
If I had a broken leg, pink eye, COVID, the flu, a migraine … you name it … I would have said just that and not spend one second trying to concoct a plausible disguise. But somehow, there has been so much shame around me just saying I am am having a bout of anxiety and/or depression and need a mental health break, I cannot meet right now.