2018 in retrospect

I listened to Marie Forleo’s podcast about the new year this morning and figured I would benefit from looking back at my 2018. Marie advises us to look at three “simple” things and processing them I really felt like this was a powerful exercise.

  • One thing you did this year that you’re proud of.
  • One mistake you made and the lesson you’ve learned.
  • One limiting story you’re ready to let go of before 2019.

There are many things I am proud of looking back at 2018 – the way I connected with my team, helping support my amazing family dynamic, keeping my real friends close and letting go of others. But perhaps the one thing (if I have to cherry pick) I can say that I am really proud is every moment of courage, every moment when I chose courage over comfort and when I stayed in the suck (as Brene Brown says) enough to surf the initial emotions and get to new realizations or to real connection. Or to letting go. Equally powerful.

Mistakes I can list by the dozen, as I am sure all of us can. Fortunately I have arrived at a point where I don’t beat myself up that much about them and learn from them more than before. In the interest of the exercise I will mention that pushing myself too far in some instances has not proven to be beneficial. While there were still lessons to be learned, as there always are, I felt at times that I was walking a really, really fine line between collapsing and getting to somewhere new that I am not sure was so needed. In my constant quest for knowledge and truth, in my chasing my dreams and more so in my proving to myself that I can do hard things, go places and be someone, I sometimes passed a line which brought me acute pain and at times panic. Pain is of course a teacher but there are times when it is not necessary and I think pushing myself past that line, especially when I realized beforehand what I was doing, was not a good idea.

The limiting story I am ready to let to of – ok, in the interest of honesty, not really ready but I get it that I have to – is the question that strikes every time a new idea / project / interest surfaces: who am I to dream this? / who am I to speak up about this? – basically “who am I to …?“. While this question is so deeply ingrained in my bones, I am setting the intention that I will let it go. Ok, better said, let it go every time I can. 🙂

Farewell 2018! You have been a good year to us!

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