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What is the middle ground that lies between being truly grateful for what you have and striving to improve things that don’t go so well? When is it ok to continue to try to better yourself and your situation and when does a future better become the enemy of the good you already have? I wish there was a way this can be measured. More often than not these days I wish for some certainty and clarity amongst all this noise.

I cannot call myself a patriot, that would make me a hypocrite. As a gay woman in a middle management position I don’t feel exactly at home here in Bucharest and am living in a bubble choosing not to truly be me outside of it most times. But never until this week have I felt the burden of a mistake to be this heavy: I should have left this country when I had a chance.

I feel like I live in one of those silent movies from the past, you know, the ones where people are moving at very high speed on the screen. I wake up Monday morning at 5 AM and get dressed for the day and before I realize it, I am getting undressed in the same spot on Thursday evening and I can barely remember what Tuesday was all about.

These children push us to do things which have become so rare and hard these days: be present fully, engage, step out of our comfort zone, wait, be patient, infinitely patient and willing to change every day, sometimes every hour.